Monday, December 15, 2008

The Ice Weasels Cameth and Dranketh Malt Liquor



Photo by Pedal Power Photography

First off, I didn’t race. Second, I had more fun at this race than almost any race all year.
The race was located on a private farm in Wrentham, MA. The course was well laid out and challenging, though I can’t really tell you about it since I didn’t even bring a bicycle. I was told that there was a run up and that there were hoppable barriers.
CB had set up the tent in the middle of a chicane section. The course snaked around in such a way that no less than 4 corners abutted the CB compound. We were able to heckle each rider 4 times on each lap, more if we moved around. Par usual, Gorgeous Gary Bavolar brought cat 4’s to tears with his hectoring and his biting critiques. Honestly I felt a little guilty as I listened to him flay the riders with his razor sharp tongue, since I am partly responsible for bringing him to cyclocross. Did that stop me from adding my two cents?: Certainly not.
Miss and I brought the new PVB Supporter shirts to the race. We sold twenty of them in the first hour. HUP women raced wearing the PVB as their race jersey. Pictured below is one of HUP's very stylish women, Meg, showing off her new kit.



Photo by Pedal Power Photography


It was amazing. The response was so positive and so enthusiastic. Natasha and I were both beaming. Our little creation was making people happy, and they were giving us money to boot!!
Sales of our "Pins" shirt were brisk, which pleased Natasha, as we had a friendly wager as to which of the shirts would sell more quickly, I stood behind LCC member, PVB, while she backed her Pin design.

People spent the whole morning asking about PVB’s location. His fans were put off by the fact that this movement was happening while he sat at home with coffee and the New York Times. Pierre was having a gentleman's morning, while the rest of us were demonstrating our support of him in the sub freezing wind.
PVB seemed overwhelmed when he arrived. He was swarmed with fans, HUPsters, CBsters and admiring riders of all stripes.



Photo by Pedal Power Photography

Many were wearing his shirt. It was like a rock star had arrived. His wonderful, charming female companion seemed confused. Obviously, she had no idea how beloved PVB is within the competitive cycling community.
During the 3/4 race, I gave away CB’s supply of PBR as beer feeds. I was giving away full pounders. Mashburn valiantly swiped a full 16ozer and crushed the can with the opening pointed at his face, getting equal quantities of beer in his mouth and one his face and chest. It was a high point in sporting history.
Not to be outdone by the antics of the B men, the 1/2/3 men put on a show for the fans. On the starting line, I announced that I would give a T shirt to the first riders to take a waffle feed and finish it. And it just got ugly from there.
David Wilcox of Cambridge Bicycles was planning on racing in a black jumpsuit with a sharks fin on top. The entire suit was covered in a shimmery flame pattern. This was one of the first races here on the east where I saw someone racing in a really crazy outfit. I was told that some of the riders from a certain, less than fun loving team were making fun of Wilcox from the rear of the starting grid. They were schooled real quick!!
Wilcox rode away from the field in the first lap. As I was setting up the waffle feeds, Wilcox was powering away from the pros!
I got the feeds ready for the second lap, quartered waffles hot and fresh from the HUP Belgium iron, with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
I held the waffle out to David as he came by the “feed” zone on the second lap. He declined with a wretching motion. All of the top 5 riders refused my feeds. But our hero, Jon Bruno of IF took the waffle in his fist and mashed it into a ball and crammed the whole thing in his mouth in one motion. He won the shirt, but I heard from the rider behind him that he almost died in the process. Apparently, he spent the next half lap sputtering, gagging and coughing, as his system tried to assimilate the unwanted input.
Devious as I am, I continued to hand up gooey drippy waffles. Obviously the riders in front of Bruno and behind him didn’t know that someone had taken the prize already. So hoodwinked riders spent their race regurgitating waffles for nothing other than the fans enjoyment. Cheers rang out whenever another rider succumbed to the cajoling and took the waffle.
Normally sauve, Jeremy Dunn, publisher of Embrocation Cycling Journal and leader of Rapha Continental East, took a messy waffle after suffering a mechanical. As you can see, he had been feverishly trying to chase back on and then in his suffering, he thought to satisfy the heckling fans and take the proffered feed. He rode with the resulting carnage for at least half a lap.



Photo by Pedal Power Photography

When the waffles were gone, I moved on to malt liquor. Nega-Coach was kind enough to provide 40 oz’s of various champagnes of malt liquor, such as Billy D. Williams favorite Colt 45 “does the trick every time” and Old Englishe 800, affectionately known as “8 Ball.”
I was able to hand up over 120oz in malt liquor feeds during the pro race. Some riders took so many feeds that their bikes were swerving. Even race organizer, Colin Reuter eventually gave in to the pressure and took the 8 ball.



Photo by Pedal Power Photography

Jeremy Dunn eventually succumbed to the sugar, fat and cheap liquor and joined us in cheering for PVB.
PVB. His result was less than spectacular.
But on every part of the course, fans were running along side him, cheering. There were 20+ fans wearing his shirt and a smile on every face as he passed.



Photo by Pedal Power Photography

He now knows what it is like to be a PRO who wins races, even if he rarely wins. PVB rode seriously for the first 3/4 of the race. He was focused.



Photo by Pedal Power Photography


Eventually, all of the fans on the course, Dunn off the bike and distracting, me holding malt liquor in his face, spilling it on him, overcame him. He started taking feeds and sat up. We all cheered nonetheless.
Wilcox rode out in front for most of the race. He fought hard with Joe's Garage Pro for a several laps, trading advantage and attacks, before fading to second. Unfornately Wilcox tripped on a barrier and smashed his face. He came by next lap in third with a bloodied mouth. He was able to hold on for a great third place and a bruised, swollen face.



Photo by Pedal Power Photography

This was a great end to the cyclocross season. Everyone should ditch Nats next year and come to this party instead.

4 comments:

JabberJaw said...

I think the more interesting thing to note is Curley in the background. Got that? Background. What this means is that I'm taking a waffle feed with Curley BEHIND me.

RMM said...

Duly noted.

Steve said...

I still protest the i got the first feed! I took it less than 40 seconds into the race!!!! Right as i rode past the tree with the two bikes hanging from it. It was rigged. I was so disappointed after the race when i was denied my shirt that i went to my car and cried until it got dark.

RMM said...

Again, duly noted.