Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Product Review: PBK Chamois Creme--Big T Says it Smells Like Cheap Old Lady Lotion

So a teammate has this huge tub of chamois creme at the track. It makes my diminutive jar of the good stuff look silly. He says that it is Pro Bike Kit branded chamois creme by Morgan Blue. He also says that he likes it.

The next time I am ordering from PBK, I throw a jar of the bum grease into the basket. It was cheap enough...

PBKCC comes in this brittle plastic container, that would shatter into a million pieces it you drop it on the bathroom floor or on the pavement at a race. If your trainer rolls over on your race bag your PBKCC will surely explode all over your bag. Also when you unscrew the equally brittle lid, there is a brittle top cap, sort of like the seal on a Mason jar. When you remove this second lid, it is coated with chamois creme.

It made a mess. The jar was so over stuffed that i made a mess of it the first 3 times that I opened it. Bad packaging all around.

The smell. Seriously, it smells like old lady lotion. Vaguely floral, perfumy, artificial and definitely cheap. I hate to get all upper class, but the stuff smells like bargain brand lotion. My lovely Russian wife pointed out that this is how Russian old ladies smell. Thanks PBK, now I know what my wife will smell like in 40 years. I suppose that you could point out that the application area in question can use all of the purfuming possible...

Now I have stated before that I like my chamois creme to be the consistancy of Crisco. PBK Chamois Creme is on the thinner side, more like lotion than true chamois creme.

I had trouble getting it to stay in place on application. Usually, I like to scoop off enough chamois creme for a full application in one swipe to avoid double dipping. With PBKCC, I found that my big scoop dripped off my finger as I spread it on the undercarriage. A quarter to half the portion ends up on the floor if you aren't careful. This is not the case with the thicker CC's. With the CC, I have altered my application procedure so that I am now double dipping. Borrow chamois creme from me at your own risk.

No tingle. Booo. No 100o tiny angels licking your _____. Just as I like my Embrocation to burn, I like my chamois creme to tingle.

Longevity. Despite its other shortcomings, PBKCC appears to do the job. I have not noticed any discomfort when I have used it on long rides. On the trainer, it seems to remain in place and active even during the sweatiest and hottest of workouts.

This chamois creme is not a luxury product. You aren't going to feel like you are using a premium body care product when you open it and smell it. In fact the piss poor packaging may cause you to permenantly slime your race bag with its floral aroma. If you apply to your undercarriage instead of directly onto the chamois, you may have trouble getting it to stay in place. There is no tingling to assure you that you are protected. But despite the shortcomings, PBKCC appears to be a servicable and inexpensive alternative to some of the top shelf chamois cremes out there.

My advice is this: If you are financially pressed (as I am right now), try this out, maybe it will offer an inexpensive alternative to the boutique brands. If your cycling budget is healthy and you are happy with ------chamois creme, then stick to what you are already using.


Big T said...

ummm, no, I object. I never said that's what old Russian ladies smell like. The smell of PBK chamois creme was somewhat reminiscent of the cheap hand cream that used to be on the Russian market when I was growing up. Where did you get the old ladies from?
I also nurse some hope, as little as there may now be, that even if I smell like said PBK chamois creme in 40 years it would only be due to its constant use on chamois, thank you very much.

rosey said...

yeah, mine shattered nicely on monday when it fell from my work locker to the tile floor. doh.

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