Product Review: PBK Chamois Creme--Big T Says it Smells Like Cheap Old Lady Lotion

So a teammate has this huge tub of chamois creme at the track. It makes my diminutive jar of the good stuff look silly. He says that it is Pro Bike Kit branded chamois creme by Morgan Blue. He also says that he likes it.

The next time I am ordering from PBK, I throw a jar of the bum grease into the basket. It was cheap enough...

PBKCC comes in this brittle plastic container, that would shatter into a million pieces it you drop it on the bathroom floor or on the pavement at a race. If your trainer rolls over on your race bag your PBKCC will surely explode all over your bag. Also when you unscrew the equally brittle lid, there is a brittle top cap, sort of like the seal on a Mason jar. When you remove this second lid, it is coated with chamois creme.




It made a mess. The jar was so over stuffed that i made a mess of it the first 3 times that I opened it. Bad packaging all around.

The smell. Seriously, it smells like old lady lotion. Vaguely floral, perfumy, artificial and definitely cheap. I hate to get all upper class, but the stuff smells like bargain brand lotion. My lovely Russian wife pointed out that this is how Russian old ladies smell. Thanks PBK, now I know what my wife will smell like in 40 years. I suppose that you could point out that the application area in question can use all of the purfuming possible...

Now I have stated before that I like my chamois creme to be the consistancy of Crisco. PBK Chamois Creme is on the thinner side, more like lotion than true chamois creme.





I had trouble getting it to stay in place on application. Usually, I like to scoop off enough chamois creme for a full application in one swipe to avoid double dipping. With PBKCC, I found that my big scoop dripped off my finger as I spread it on the undercarriage. A quarter to half the portion ends up on the floor if you aren't careful. This is not the case with the thicker CC's. With the CC, I have altered my application procedure so that I am now double dipping. Borrow chamois creme from me at your own risk.

No tingle. Booo. No 100o tiny angels licking your _____. Just as I like my Embrocation to burn, I like my chamois creme to tingle.

Longevity. Despite its other shortcomings, PBKCC appears to do the job. I have not noticed any discomfort when I have used it on long rides. On the trainer, it seems to remain in place and active even during the sweatiest and hottest of workouts.

This chamois creme is not a luxury product. You aren't going to feel like you are using a premium body care product when you open it and smell it. In fact the piss poor packaging may cause you to permenantly slime your race bag with its floral aroma. If you apply to your undercarriage instead of directly onto the chamois, you may have trouble getting it to stay in place. There is no tingling to assure you that you are protected. But despite the shortcomings, PBKCC appears to be a servicable and inexpensive alternative to some of the top shelf chamois cremes out there.

My advice is this: If you are financially pressed (as I am right now), try this out, maybe it will offer an inexpensive alternative to the boutique brands. If your cycling budget is healthy and you are happy with ------chamois creme, then stick to what you are already using.

Product Review: Mad Alchemy Embrocations PRO Chamois Creme--Thumbs Up.

As you may have gathered, I am a big advocate for chamois creme. I get by in cross season without it since the races are so short, But during road season , when saddle time usually exceeds 2 hours, and once or twice a week reaching 5-6 hours, a layer of undercarriage lubricant is essential to keeping everything running smoothly. If you have ever had a saddle sore, you know how important it is to avoid them.

I was lucky enough to be one of the first purchasers of Mad Alchemy Embrocations PRO Chamois Creme (MAEPCC). I have tested it on three rides, one long (4+ hours), one short and intense ride with lots of sweating and a 2 hour mountain bike ride.


The short review: Good chamois creme, you should try it.


In Depth Review:

When you open the lid of MAEPCC you will find yourself trying to place the smell. It is vaguely citrusy and grassy, not medicinal. When you check the ingredients list you will find a number of essential oils, which will describe the complex aroma.

The texture is greasier and smoother than most other chamois creme, like a white gel, as opposed to a confection or frosting.




MAEPCC is not as thick as other cremes. It has the consistancy of a thick lotion, which made me initially skeptical of its efficacy on a long ride.

No tingle upon application, just a cooling sensation on the underside. While I have grown accustomed to Yash's "100 tiny angels licking my ass", I have found that this is not an essential feature of chamois creme.

The chamois creme stays in place. I have found that MAEPCC offers plenty of protection over a long ride. When using MAEPCC, I didn't think about my saddle, my riding position or my grundle. At the end of my rides, I took one for the team and checked my chamois for residue (sorry Cort, I had to check) and sure enough, there was the characteristic greasy streak proving that the chamois creme was still present and protecting my goods.

On the MAE website, Pete Smith offers that "The best cycling gear is the gear you never notice" and I have to agree with him. While MAE Warming Embrocations announce their power immediately by burning and continuing to burn, MAEPCC is a subtle product that does its job silently, but no less effectively.



I must admit, that I have been on the fence between MAEPCC and Assos Chamois Creme. I have been switching back and forth between the two. In a demented moment, I considered mixing the two. In the end, I decided that they are both great chamois cremes, but I will be using Mad Alchemy after I run out the ACC.

Mad Alchemy uses natural ingredients and is made locally by a real human, a good guy in fact. These three features are usually enough to sway me, as I am a huge advocate for buying local and personally knowing your suppliers.

Next time you are buying chamois creme, I encourage you to try the local stuff, you won't be disappointed.

Once I get a little more money in the coffers, I am looking forward to trying MAE's
PURE Chamois Grease and Skin Protectant.

Buy Here

Product Review: Udderly Smooth: Fine Lotion, but DO NOT USE IT AS CHAMOIS CREME

Udderly Smooth is that cute lotion that markets itself as a Bag Balm for the non-Vermonter. In recent years, it has been showing up in bike shops, as free samples at races and online as a chamois creme. At some race last season I raided a swag table for as many samples as my pockets could hold, only to be disappointed in the product.


Yesterday, I thoroughly lubed up my undercarriage with Udderly Smooth before a three hour ride. Since I have an abundance of product, I applied the lotion more liberally than I normally would. When I first pulled my shorts up into the greased underside, my taint felt cold and wet, as if I had an accident. I was immediately put off and nearly changed my clothes. But since I had committed to providing this service to my readers, I soldiered on.



Initially on the bike, I didn't notice anything. I assume that all of the lotion soaked in rather quickly.

After an hour or so, about the time that I start getting slightly uncomfortable if my shorts are not loaded up, I felt as if I had forgotten to lube. I spent the rest of the ride shifting around in my saddle, getting out of the saddle and readjusting my chamois. While I didn't end up with a saddle sore, I also was not very comfortable. Sure, I overcame the discomfort, but that's not how I want my grundle to feel on a ride.

When I got home, there was no evidence of the Udderly Smooth anywhere on my person or in my shorts. Normally with Assos, even after 6 hours in the saddle, there is a greasy taint mark on the chamois indicating that the chamois creme is present and actively protecting you.

There are main three reasons that Udderly Smooth is unacceptable for use as chamois creme:

Viscosity. Udderly smooth is too thin. It soaks into the chamois or skin. Sure it moisturizes, but it does not leave a lasting layer of fiction protection. When I use this product as lotion, I find that it is entirely soaked into my skin after 3 minutes, leaving behind little to no residue. Good lotion, zero protection.



Scent. Subtle lotion smell. Pleasant. It smells great for lotion, but I expect chamois creme to have a menthol aroma.

Anti Bacterial Qualities. There is nothing on the label to indicate that Udderly Smooth has any anti-bacterial agents. No menthol. When you apply this lotion, there is no tingle.


Conclusion. Udderly Smooth is a fine product when used as originally intended: as a lotion for moisturizing skin. It lacks all of the qualities of a fine chamois creme. I hope that you don't waste you money on this. Secondly, I definitely hope that you don't make the mistake of using this during an epic ride.

Product Review: Friction Freedom Chamois Cream-RMM Likes It!

I have used Assos Chamois Creme religiously since my first saddle sore. I always liked the cool tingle when I first applied it. My friend and fellow blogger, Yasushi, says that the Assos is like "a thousand tiny angels gently licking my..." I am sure that you get the picture.
Until recently, I have been 100% satisfied with Assos. Then they changed the formula. It is now slightly blue, when before if was like warm butter on the verge of liquefying.



The new blend feels lighter, almost emulsified, like a whipped Crisco frosting with a dab of blue food coloring added. I have used a tub of the new blend and I was not happy with it. I branched out and tried Paceline's Chamios Butt'r and even Udderly Smooth. Both of them were not even as good as the new Assos, let alone the old stuff. I did not try DZ-Nuts, as it seemed undignified. In fact all of the above reference some objectionable or moderately offensive reference to a body in the title. I refuse to use a hygiene product whose name I can't say in front of my mother.
Recently Belgium Knee Warmers gave a positive review to Friction Freedom Chamois Cream. I emailed the FFCC rep in AZ and she sent me some samples. FFCC were super polite and have been very quick to respond to my inquiries.
The samples arrived well packed and promptly. I got three "individual" packets.
The creme smells slightly medicinal, but pleasant. It has a little menthol, but not nearly as much as old Assos. It has a thick consistancy, like butter, but butter at a slightly cold room temp. Also, it was somewhat clumpy, but smoothed well.




I found that the single use packet had enough creme for more than one use, perhaps two whole uses if used conservatively. I opted to use the whole portion on my first try, since I knew that I would not be riding again for a few days.



Upon pulling up my shorts, I experienced a slight tingle, not as much as the old Assos, but pleasant and reassuring. The angels are there protecting you.
BKW commented that the creme remained in place. I concur. I believe that the thicker texture lends the creme the body to remain where it is put, even in the case of vigorous use and excessive sweating.




After three hours in the saddle, I was comfortable. In fact, I didn't think about my saddle, my chamois or anything else in that region during my entire 3.5 hour ride. When I got home and inpected my chamois for residue, I found that the Friction Freedom was right where I put it (I will spare you the picture of my dirty chamois).
I like this chamois creme. It stays where you put it and lasts. It allows you to think about your ride instead of your...
This is a new product and is not available locally yet. Hopefully someone will get on it (I am inquiring if they will allow my wife to sell it on her website).
I will offer an addendum to this review in January once I have had a chance to do some epic rides while using it. I fully expect this creme to live up to my high expectations.